Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
