The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
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i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
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Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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