So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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