you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
