Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
