Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
