A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
