no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
