I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
