i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
