im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You made out with two different species that night
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
