just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
