my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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