At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
