First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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