I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
