Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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