I think my vagina is haunted
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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