Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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