omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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