What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
