I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
