I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
