One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
