I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
