Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
