accomplished twins. life is a go
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
bring money and cleavage
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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