4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Define "chronic" masturbator.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
