I need help removing her.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
