i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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