Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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