Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
