whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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