Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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