She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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