All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
