If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
