My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
