Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
