if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
