I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
