i think my tv is drunk
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
She told me I should be a condom model.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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