I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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