why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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