im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
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Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
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You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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