:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
