I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
