I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
