girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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