so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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