I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
