Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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