Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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