Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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