The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
