that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
