Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
