he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
