My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
