I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
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