drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
