Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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