Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
