you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
