this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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