I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
