Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
