I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
