Whod you bang
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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