My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
