she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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