Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
